what i’ve been up to

A little of this, a little of that… a roundup of the last month-ish. Mostly working … a fair bit of walking … not enough knitting! Now that the weather is nice, all I want to do is sit outside in parks or outdoor cafes, watching people and ferries come and go and KNIT KNIT KNIT. And drink tea.

My work schedule is now at maximum (24 teaching hours plus travel time) but since all but one class is 1-1 students, every week I have a cancellation or two that eases the load. I’ve been walking to and from work more often now that the weather is warm. It’s about a 40 minute walk total over easy terrain except I’m still befuddled about the correct etiquette for passing people on the sidewalk. The rule seems to be “The foreign lady should step off the curb into the street while the three turks walk down the sidewalk arm in arm with 17 bags completely oblivious to anyone else on the sidewalk”.

A few weeks ago Emrah and I rode a new ferry (for me), from Beykoz meydanı to Yeniköy, and then had a nice twilight walk to Istinye and back. I took a picture of the Fatih Sultan Mehmet bridge, keeping the shutter open extra long because of the dark. And then we drank some tea.

FSM Bridge, Istanbul

Last weekend it was raining, so after giving up on a plan to go to Camlıca, we ended up at DenizAtı Cafe above the Kadıköy iskele (ferryboat terminal) reading the newspapers and watching the ferries. I worked on the crossword puzzle - in Turkish - and actually got five answers! The problem isn’t understanding the clues, which are relatively simple to read, but thinking of ANOTHER word that means the same thing. Emrah helped me with a few but I don’t think he’s crazy about crosswords, so I let him read the paper. And we drank tea.

This was a while ago, but a couple ex-students Zafer and Tuba (in photo) came to my place and cooked lunch - spanish omelet. We drank tea juice. Also, on the 6th Emrah and I went to a dinner party in Sultanahmet, the 25th wedding anniversary party of a couple friends of mine. We drank champagne, ooh!

my apartment with spanish omelet

Below are a couple of the things I’ve been knitting recently. First, a set of cute coasters for my boss’s birthday. They’re from the Mason-Dixon ballband dishcloth pattern (see Mason-Dixon knitting in my rather short blogroll to the right). And a pillow sham I’ve barely started, using some turkish patterns I found on the internet. I got the yarn for that from the Yarn Han in Eminönü, on a shopping expedition with Anne. The yarn for the coasters came from my local yarn shop - they’re starting to get to know me there, which means they don’t feel the need to follow my every movement while I’m in the store. Every time I buy something, they say goodbye with “güle güle kullanın”, meaning approximately “go and use it happily”.

coasters

turkish pattern pillow

Good news, the aquarium is alive again! This time the fish (5) are a bit smaller, Emrah replaced the gravel with a more natural variety (his theory for why the original fish died), and I’ve put in a few more plants to give them places to hide and play “obstacle course”. I’m not 100% sure fish like playing obstacle course, but I would if I were a fish.

fish!

I still spend a fair amount of time absorbing news from the internet, and I like to keep up with long-distance friends via livejournal and facebook. Whenever I look at facebook and find myself feeling envious about particular aspects of other people’s lives, I contemplate how they undoubtedly must feel different on the inside than they seem from the outside. Everyone has the mundane moments of doing laundry, the difficult moments of personal relationships, the occasional moments of extreme personal angst, right? Yeah, they’re running marathons, doing aid work in Africa, and designing their own knitwear, but for the most part, most people have pretty normal lives, right? Is it possible that my 87.8% mundane life seems interesting to other people who only see it from the outside? Is it possible that I’m living my life okay even though I’m somewhat unsocial, rather scattered career-wise, unmarried and childless, and a bit pudgy, given that I’m also mostly happy? Is it okay that I’d rather knit and drink tea on a sunny afternoon instead of collecting trash while scaling a mountain, rescuing kittens or doing a million other possible good deeds? Can making breakfast for my sweetie count as a good deed? Sometimes I wish I had an overarching purpose for my life, like Al Gore with his slide show, so I could feel useful to the world and less worried about wasting my time here on earth. But on other days I think it’s okay to be just a normal person, living as millions of other normal people do, never to make history or even a really exciting facebook profile. And the fact is that no project has come up yet that makes me want to give up knitting, walking the streets, people watching, and drinking tea.

None of these questions are rhetorical, answers are wanted. And, especially, from what you know of me (assuming you are a friend reading this), what kind of life-project could you imagine me taking on? Inspiration wanted.

Registration for commenting has been temporarily suspended as I await your answers. Big hugs to everyone. XOXOXO Now, how about a glass of tea?

istanbul tea

Comments (1)

the shortcomings of language

Sometimes explaining something detracts from its beauty. Language is too clunky, too limiting. To look at something and feel the beauty of it inside you, trying to turn that feeling into words is just about impossible. And attempting to just narrows down the feeling, turns it into something ordinary and cliched. The beauty of the gorge at Watkins Glen State Park is unspeakable. To say “wow” at every turn diminishes it. Be silent and let it just become part of you. The joy I feel seeing the crinkles appear in the corners of your eyes when you laugh, how could I ever describe that feeling without it sounding corny? I stay quiet and revel in it.

I think our tendency to describe feelings comes from the misperception that to capture them in words means that we will be able to hold on to the feeling longer, that the vocalization turns the feeling into a stronger memory. But really, to make a strong memory, I find it’s best to stay silent and just absorb what I am experiencing. Let it consume me, wipe out all other distracting inputs and thoughts, and just be what it is, completely.

Or maybe we talk because we want to find some way of sharing an experience with the people around us, want to feel that they are experiencing the same wonderment as we are. It feels true that a shared experience is often a stronger one than a solitary experience. But no two people will ever experience anything the same anyway, too much individual history and interpretation for that to happen. So to be able to share an experience with a friend who also understands about quietness makes it a very special experience indeed. Squeeze a hand, share a smile, or just enjoy knowing that your friend also realizes the moment is too profound for words.

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someday

someday, all this thinking i do will coalesce
into a coherent philosophy on life
and i’ll be able to share it all with you

pages upon pages of insight and profundity
i promise

until then, be patient and attentive
and you might discover your own

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